Dinner at Bigoli, Trinoma with Rosario, Lerianne, and Joy
My small and simple token of appreciation for these ladies ♥
P.S. Five days in advance but it sure felt like it was actually my birthday celebration. Dating these lovely ladies is a great way to start my week-long birthday celebration. Thank God for these ladies!
Okay. So in my attempt to have a healthy midnight snack, I cut my finger. Demmit. It didn’t bleed though but it really hurts. It’s a long cut and the wound is somewhere between the epidermis and the dermis (if I recall my Biology subject correctly), that’s why it didn’t bleed. I wanted to post a photo of how it looked like but it’s too gruesome.
Bakit ganiter?! Ang gusto ko lang naman kumain ng fruit cocktail. =/
There’s this blog that I visit every now and then to check if the writer has a new entry. Like me, she writes sporadically and when she does, I always see to it that I read everything. Sometimes I even re-read her older entries when she doesn’t have new ones. Stalking? Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not really friends with this blogger but we have a lot of mutual ones. That’s actually how I came across her blog. I am friends with her in Facebook and I follow her on Twitter but we never really talked ever. I greeted her on her birthday (via Facebook) and she thanked me, though. But does that count?
Anyway, she’s really a great writer. If it wasn’t embarrassing or weird I would have posted the link to her blog or simply drop her name here. But believe me when I say that her entries, no matter how non-sense she thinks they all were, are all very good read. She writes very sincerely. I feel her pain, her boredom, her excitement, her sadness… I feel every emotion in her entries as though they were my own. Whenever I read her stories, or entries rather, I feel less stressed and more inspired. It’s like I draw inspiration from this person. I don’t exactly know why. Maybe because we have a lot in common. It’s like I can see in her the ‘more-creative-more-sincere-and-more-sophisticated’ version of me. Or maybe I’m just amazed to find someone who I can relate to the way I relate to her. She puts into words everything that I cannot say or write. And it’s kinda sad though that I can’t thank her or commend her for this.
Oh well, maybe one day, fate will bring us together and we’ll be (great) friends. Until such day, I hope she keeps on writing because as pathetic as this sounds, I draw strength from her entries.
I totally forgot that I have a blog. And I totally forgot how to write.
I remember a friend told me once that she knows when something is wrong or when something is up with me because I write sporadically. So when I do, I ALWAYS have a better reason besides intolerable boredom.
So yes, something is wrong AGAIN. My drive was killed and it sucks. I feel so bad getting what I don’t believe I deserve. Life is really not fair and I know it but everytime I play the role of the victim, I just don’t know how to get up. Demmit. I feel so defeated. All my hardwork went to nothing. It just killed my drive. They killed my drive. This is unacceptable.
This is the worst thing I ever had to deal with in years. I know I just have to accept it since there’s nothing I can do anymore to turn the situation to my favor but it’s just so effin’ hard. I was taught and trained to always rise above the situation but now, I don’t think I can do it. There’s nothing more I can give because I’ve already given it my all but it all went to trash.
The problem with unrecognized efforts is it kills the drive in one snap. Just like that. It only took one snap. This is just not right.
P.S. How do you resurrect the dead?
For the past two years, I posted a super long entry summarizing the year that was about to exit my life. However, for this year, I don’t think I’d do the same. However, what I will do is share the things that I have learned and realized this 2011.
It wasn’t a perfect year but it was in all sense, a great one. I felt, learned, needed, wanted, and realized a lot of things in 2011. And I am wisely picking what I am going to bring in to face 2012. I pray to be able to face the next year without any excess baggage. I played a great role in 2011 as the “traveller-wanna-be” and I am hopeful that after all the trips that I have taken, I have learned to pack well and to pack light.
2011 was a year of too many ups and too many downs for me. It was literally a roller-coaster ride of emotions. I felt so imperfect. I felt so down. I felt so happy. I felt so sad. I felt so embarrassed. I felt needed. I felt so insignificant. I felt so in love. I felt so afraid. I felt wanted. I felt unwanted. I felt pretty and sexy. I felt ugly and fat. I felt insecure. I felt pity. I felt rage. I felt doubt. I felt passion. I felt grief. I felt loss. I felt lost. I felt nothing. I felt apathy. I felt so many positive and negative things this year. And I thank God for letting me feel all these because I believe I have become a stronger and a more confident person. I have gotten all the validation I need and not getting the validation I want and not getting it from the person or people I want to get it from will not break me… at least, not anymore.
2011 was not just a year to me that came and will soon be gone because it was in its lifeless way, a great teacher. I learned how to cook Kaldereta. I learned that Vicks inhaler is the most effective drug for me. I learned that it is possible to be pimple-free. I learned that havaianas look and feel great when you wear them but it breaks easily. I learned that water, alone, can heal colds. I learned a lot of pickup lines. I learned that eating something sweet will actually give you extra energy. I learned how to do simple music editing. I learned to work on my own. I learned that I can be responsible. I learned that I can work solo to come up with something big. I learned that no matter how much you try to plan a perfect trip, at some point it will still fail. I learned new things that can hurt me because it has repeatedly hurt me a lot of times for the past year. I learned how to deal with myself, my feelings, with others, and others’ feelings. I learned to take care of myself. I learned to be tougher to face things on my own because in the end, all you really have is yourself. I learned that the only person you can trust to not let you down is yourself. I learned that not all dogs bark first when you piss them off, most of them bite right away. I learned that not being on the same page creates a lot of misunderstanding. I learned that sleep can break my heart. I learned that I should stop begging for what I want because it just hurts more if you still don’t get it after you have begged. I learned to have a pride and to keep it as much as possible, low. I learned that love and commitment should really go hand in hand in a relationship. I learned that there is still hope in being hopeless. I learned that friends do come and go. I learned that friends who decided to go, sometimes decides to come back. I learned that life can be really short. I learned that this can be the last day of my life. I learned the difference between needs and wants. I learned a lot about true love. I learned about patience and understanding. I learned about heartbreaks and how to face them. I learned that simple things can make someone really happy. I learned that you cannot teach someone to want or to need you the way you want them to. I learned the true value of money and that it is the cheapest thing in the universe but is also the most powerful one since it can make the world go round. I learned that I can be who I want to be. I learned that I can do good alone but I do better when I work with someone. I learned that two cups of coffee a day can cause me palpitation. I learned that no matter how insignificant or how simple or how complicated these lessons are, I am just so thankful that I LEARNED.
As I evaluate the year 2011, I realized I still have so many needs and wants. Some of these were already satisfied but I still need to work on most of them. As much as I’d like to write it all down to the littlest detail, it’s too personal. However, to share a few, I know I still need to work on my cooking. I want to further strengthen my relationship with God. I need to learn how to strictly follow my budget. I want to loose weight. I need to loose weight to ensure good health. I want to be totally financially independent. I need to work harder for the things that I want to achieve. And the list goes on. I am just thankful that I already know what I need to get what I want and to make sure that I have everything that I need. I only need prayers and hardwork. Right? Right!
2011 is about to end in a few hours and I am really excited for the coming year. We are all clueless of what it has to offer but what excites me more about it is that it is another chance for change. Another chance to make things right. Another chance to make things happen. Another chance to chase my dreams. Another chance to love better. Another chance to work harder. Another chance to live life.
2011, you were a great year for me but you have to go and make way for 2012.
2012, I am hopeful that you’d be better than 2011 and that we’d be good to each other.
CHEERS TO THE NEW YEAR!! CHEERS TO THE GOOD LIFE!!
She tries to kiss you. And you pull away.
