… :(

the year has just started but i feel like i’ve already been showered with sooo many blessings. but yeah, i guess i really can’t have it all. kaya i feel like i’m in a rollercoaster of emotions. mamaya i’m happy then i’ll be sad again. it’s like a cycle. and it sucks… marami ngang nangyayari at mangyayari pang magaganda and happy things sa life ko for this year pero aalis naman ung tao who  i’d like to share all of these with. yes, erik’s leaving for Saudi… guess when? Tuesday. as in this tuesday na. ambilis talaga. no matter how hard i try to prepare myself for the inevitable, super di pa rin ako maging okay. wala pang acceptance, kumbaga. but does it matter? finished or unfinished, pass your papers! parang ganun lang yan e.

two long years. two long years. we know we will make it. no doubts about that. ang part lang na nakakalungkot talaga is ung hindi kami magkasama. someone told us, mabilis lang ung two years para sa mga taong iiwan nya pero para sa kanya, mahirap. sobrang hirap. yun na lang ang iniisip ko everytime na masasad ako kasi i have to be strong for erik. totoo naman kasi… sya ung aalis, sya ung susugal dun, sya ung walang kakilala, sya ung stranger dun so sino nga ba ang mas mahihirapan? ako ba na maiiwan dito? na kasama ang family ko at family nya? ako na pwedeng pwede pa rin sumayaw? kaya i really have to be strong. really strong. kung mahirap for me, what more for him?

i remember him telling me that he’s doing this for us.. for our future. wala raw kasing asenso dito sa Pinas, which is ver true not unless pinaglihi ka sa swerte. before he said yes to the company, he asked me kung kaya ko ba magtiis na magkahiwalay kami for two years. he asked me… sa akin nya binigay ung final say. sabi nya he’s gonna do this for me and if he’ll end up losing me in the process, di na lang daw sha aalis. big part of me wanted to say no. keri lang kung abutin kami ng thirty bago magpakasal at least magkasama kami. we wouldn’t have to deal with all the goodbyes and hassles of a long distance relationship… but then naisip ko kung ano naman ung igigive up nya if ever i say no. he’s going to miss the opportunity to level up in his professional career. haller, i’m not that selfish naman to let him turn down an opportunity to work at Procter&Gamble. yes boi, as in P&G. one proud girlfriend? HERE!

however, i cannot help but wish that things didn’t have to be this complicated. kung may option lang sana na wag na ang sha umalis, un na lang sana. i know he said he’s willing to leave dancing for greener pasteur. but i also know how hard it is for him. it’s like he’s giving up a huge part of who he really is. if there’s someone i know who sees dancing more than just a passion but as a life as well, it would be him. peak pa naman ng career nya as a dancer/choreographer. sobrang nanghihinayang ako na aalis sha.

Buti na lang ang galing ni God. Before Erik leaves, binigyan Nya si Erik ng isang magandang experience as a choreographer. last blow, kumbaga. He was featured at Unang Hirit last thursday. He was interviewed. Lyrical hiphop kasi ung topic. and erik’s very known for that kind of style in hiphop kaya ayun, poof! He’s at Unang Hirit na! Hehe. He makes me really proud!! I’m a one proud baby! ♥

Hay… two years. two years. I know we’ll get pass this. Buti na lang may internet na.. unlike before na voice tape lang. Hehe. At least, I’ll still get to see him parin thru webcams. So madaling isipin na nasa Cavite lang sha at ako nasa Bulacan at nagchachat lang kami ng normal.

Tears are gonna fall. It’s gonna be hard, very hard. But hey, the fruit of all these will be sweet. Two years? Bring it on!